This is just a quick check in entry for anyone still choosing to come back to this clandestine, sub-amateur, religious soap box that remains clandestinely tucked away from the eyes of any reader who has not specifically sought it out. Only the hand of the Lord will ever provide a substantively sized audience of genuinely interested readers, but I feel like the thousands upon thousands of words that will compose this project will be truly appreciated by few eyes. Inevitably, I feel like this project will be left to gather dust in the heaps of inactive, top-level domains containing everyone else’s attempt at a “blog”. It will lay idly, like an unattended dying child or an elderly drunkard on the bench of a city park, at the exact alexa ranking it holds right now. Useless. Wasted energy, time and digital space.
Only the Lord can truly transform this project from such a loathsome, forgettable piece of 1s and 0s into something that will be seen by many multitudes of eyes. Young eyes. Hungry eyes. Hurting eyes. Tearful eyes. Red eyes. Eyes that want a savior. Eyes that need a savior from themselves. Eyes that NEED a savior from themselves. Eyes that DESPERATELY MUST HAVE A SAVIOR FROM THEMSELVES AND THE SIN THAT DOMINATES THEIR LIFE!
Helpless eyes. Helpless eyes that have been exposed to thousands of hours of visual stimulation and an additional thousand upon thousand hour heap of lectures from secular teachers/instructors every single day. Helpless eyes that have probably fallen prey to the most effective methods of systematic ideological indoctrination that man has ever conceived of.
Helpless eyes that are….. I could go on and on, but basically: helpless eyes that need the Lord Jesus Christ, yet have had their conscience’s specifically molded from a very early age to REJECT and MOCK that savior. That name.
It seems to me like older people really don’t grasp the seriousness of the spiritual plight that the generation that I am apart of is currently in. Those of us in the western world who were born in the decade leading up to the 21st century are basically a generation that, compared to our parents’ and grandparents’, does not know God.
This saved idiot here writing this thing, that may never be ever read by anyone besides myself, does not claim to know one single hard fact about anything nor does he propose absolutely any solution BESIDES THE GOSPEL OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AS IT HAS BEEN DELIVERED TO US IN THE 1611 KING JAMES BIBLE!
But, from where this idiot sees it and from his own personal life experiences, the present generation of adolescents/young adults in the western world think of the name of the Lord Jesus Christ as just one big joke. Whether its literally or metaphorically, the name of the sinless lamb slain on the cross to save all those who believe on Him from an unimaginably awful ETERNITY in HELL, the Lord Jesus Christ, is treated as a joke.
When I say “metaphorically”, I mean (and I’m probably included in this too) those young “christians” who basically sin continuously without any real remorse or guilt. Oh Lord, this saved one does not want to defy Your holy command to not attempt to pull the stick out of his brother’s eye when he has a log in his own eye, but…. Lord…. it’s often seemed like the more popular people around high school and college who claim to be “christian” are… uhhhhh….. well, they may be a bit misguided on what Your intention was on the cross and how it isn’t just a free ticket to sin as one pleases without eternal recourse.
There is absolutely no way that I can ever even INFER that I had ANY moral or spiritual authority to accost other believers in Christ like I did above. It was….. disgusting, to say the least. I feel totally disgusted with myself that I would go out of my way to accost the sinful acts of other believers when I myself took two benzedrexes today on top of my 40mg adderall. Two benzedrexes which I paid for with money given to me by my mother to pay for my pastor’s lunch. That, a host of other sinful backsliding acts, really do put me in a position that is pretty far from that of a just accuser when it comes to the sins of other less-spiritually developed christians.
Lord, I know that I myself am in the wrong by choosing to buy those two benzedrexes with money that my mother intended to be used to cover my pastor’s lunch today. I apologize for that and I can only beg for mercy from You. Please Lord, don’t let there be a drug test at the IOP thing tomorrow and if there is one, then please ensure that the benzedrex either doesn’t show up or is marked down as just adderall. Please Lord Jesus, ensure that I get to my appointments tomorrow in a competent, productive, clear, and focused state of mind.
Please Lord Jesus, forgive me of my sin of taking higher doses of my medications than prescribed. Please Lord Jesus, ensure that my psychiatrist does actually increase my gabapentin dose tomorrow so that I don’t run out of it. If he doesn’t increase it, then please ensure he decreases it or otherwise sets it up so that I don’t run out of it.
Please Lord Jesus, do not allow this benzedrex to cause any health complications at all to me.
Please Lord Jesus, protect me from the earthly consequences of using this benzedrex as best as You can. This saved one knows You hate sin, but Lord he does not want to do these things or feel any kind of need to have to do them……… in a positive sort of way.
Lord Jesus, this saved one just wants to be content enough in his own non-geeked, properly medicated, “normal” state of mind that he doesn’t feel any need to get geeked or alter his state of consciousness in any other way to escape a feeling. Please Lord, please please transform me like that through Your Holy Spirit so that I can finally live. Live for You.
But Lord, I know that there are others out there that are far more capable of carrying the burden of establishing Your true kingdom on earth for this generation than this idiot. Lord Jesus, I’m almost at the end of my line. I feel so hopeless God, I just keep going after the drugs. Lord Jesus, fill me with hope. True hope. Fill me with true hope soon.
My friend is talking to me about getting into grad school and I can’t complete one community college class. A class that I’m good at.
I praise You Lord and thank You for my life today.
Thanks for reading,
No more posts for a while.
Go in Christ, friends.